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How to overcome watching yourself on a screen when you hate your image?

In 2018, I began doing intuitive life coaching. 
I started coaching friends and through word of mouth, I got my first paying clients. Then, in 2020, when the pandemic broke out, I felt it was time for me to fully dedicated myself to the new path I had chosen. 
So I took the leap, resigned from my job and got professionally trained as a Life Coach and in Positive Intelligence. Although I had a roster of clients, I thought I needed a website to be more visible, but I didn’t know where to begin. It took me months to make up my mind and get support from people in that field.  

Finally, for the last couple of months, I’ve been working on building it. I figured out that a short video would be a great way for people to have a better sense of who I am. I see so many nice presentation videos on social medias that look self-made (and probably are), that I thought I could do the same. 
I tried and the result was so horrible that I almost gave up on the idea. I hated my image so much… 
On a second thought, as for the website, I decided to hire an expert to help me.

After my attempt to make my own video, I thought I was bad and the first time I informally met the video expert I wanted to work with, he thought I was bad too. But somehow, he gave me a second chance and offered to have an interview with me. During the interview, he told me that I wasn’t actually bad as a coach, it was just that I wasn’t good at explaining what I do. And he agreed to take on my project.

I was so uncomfortable with the idea of talking in front of the camera, that I prepared for it. I wrote a script. I trained speaking in front of a mirror. With the text and then without the text. I even trained filming myself on my laptop. So many times. I thought it would be ok.
Despite the amount of preparation work I’d put in, when I arrived on set on the D Day for the filming, after two sentences, my brain went blank. The project director was giving me simple instructions but I just couldn’t follow them. He pushed me, again and again. I was still going blank. I couldn’t remember my text. And I knew I learned it, I knew my text by heart. But I just couldn’t say it.
He finally left me alone, so I could collect myself. 
I realised my mind was so busy judging myself and trying to look good simultaneously. I had to fight really hard to stop listening to my mental conversation. To stop hiding behind my perfectionism, to stop worrying about my imperfections. 
But once I managed to let go, I did it! I said what I wanted to say in one go.

Once the video was finalised, he gave me an appointment to show it to me. I was stressed to see the result. And at the same time, the way he handled me on set enabled me to go through the filming. So I was confident that he’d done a great job. But I didn’t expect that watching the video would make me emotional. 
After the visioning, I put the phone down and I cried. I cried because I felt represented. Even though I still find it hard to watch myself on a screen, that’s not where my attention was. 
I was touched that someone I didn’t know before saw me through and managed to catch the spirit of who I am as a Coach. He materialised it into an authentic final production I am proud of and helped me articulate my message.

That’s what happens when you work with the right person.

I initially thought I paid for a professional video service but I realise now that I actually got much more than that. I had a truly transformational experience. It can be profound and fast when you are supported by talented professionals who care. 

During that intense process, I was constantly being pulled outside of my comfort zone and somehow, along the way, I overcame a new level of one of my deepest fears which is not being good enough to be loved. 
I feel complete and strong, to pursue my mission, standing tall. 

I can’t wait to support more people in their own transformation and motivate them to reach their goals!

7th July 2021,

Phnom-Penh, Cambodia

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